INTRODUCING: POLITISURE
A revolutionary pill for relieving symptoms of Political Insecurity Spasm Disorder (a.k.a. PISD)
The world’s best drug for feeling better… than everyone else.
SURVEY: ARE YOU
1. SELF-RIGHTEOUS?
2. INSECURE?
3. NARCISSISTIC?
4. A PIECE OF CRAP?
5. ALL OF THE ABOVE?!?!
Then you’ll love to play…
The Holiest Crap!
It’s a (non-political) card game where you make yourself look better than everyone else! Get it RIGHT NOW on Kickstarter.com HERE!
Ask your echo chamber if PolitiSure is right for you!
PolitiSure is scientifically formulated to boost your confidence, no matter how baseless your arguments may be. Our ground-breaking formula combines cherry-picked statistics, half-truths, expertly crafted buzzwords, and grass-fed bulls**t to create the illusion of irrefutable knowledge!
Side effects may include inflated ego, an increased sense of self-importance, and the loss of friends who no longer want to engage in your endless debates. PolitiSure is not for everyone, including those with a history of open-mindedness, empathy, or a sense of humor. Please consult your echo chamber before starting PolitiSure, as some interactions with reality may occur.
The proof is in the pudding!
“PolitiSure has helped me stop caring what other people think of me. Now when they glare at me, ignore me, or avoid me at parties, I know it’s because they can’t handle the truth, which I’m so full of.”
-Jess Goway
(Customer of 5 months)
“Not only is PolitiSure smooth, chocolatey goodness that melts in my mouth, but I can’t stop drooling while I’m devouring my enemies on Twitter… or X… or whatever it is now… and shoving my insightfully hot takes down their throats.”
-Hugh Jeff Arts
(Customer of 1 day)
“Since starting PolitiSure, I don’t just feel absolutely incredible – I am absolutely incredible! I truly can’t imagine a world without me in it. That would not be a world worth living in.”
-Kanye Feelit
(Future customer, probably)
